Vacation

In a little more than two hours, I'm gonna be off for nine days. It's gonna be awesome. Merry Christmas, failures. I love you all.

4 years

Get'cha pull.

Two years.

12/02/06 - 12/02/08

That's how long I've been married, and we still kinda like each other. Here's a conversation we had yesterday:

Tina: "Why did you want to get married to me?"

Me: "You had an alright face and a sweet rack."

Happy anniversery, babe.

Funfetti.

I baked a cake the other day. I think it came out pretty good.



From now on, if I ever bake another one, I'm gonna do the same kind of thing. Beloved characters with a horrible statement. If you have a b-day coming up, let me know. I gots ideas.

Feeling old

Nirvana's Unplugged was recorded 15 years ago today. That means I was 13 and in 8th grade 15 years ago. I was a teenager 15 years ago. Ouch.

Fatherly things I've said to Rosalie.

Last Monday we were getting ready to go to my aunt's house for dinner. I go to change Rosalie's diaper before we leave, and she decides it's a great idea to piss all over the place before I get the new one on her. I look at her and say "well, aren't you hilarious?" She then smiles and pukes all over herself. I told her if she was ugly I would've left her on a church doorstep by now. She continues to smile.

The following day, she's sitting in her swing bitching. That's her new thing. She doesn't cry, just bitches. She's getting louder and louder, and I say to her, "You don't know how good you have it. Don't you know that babies get shaken to death for screaming like that?" She lets out a little giggle and smiles. Little shit.

I'm a great dad.

Yesterday at work

You have no idea how many times I heard "Question 2 is the one about pot, right?" I hate collage kids.

Bacon

Yesterday I made a big ass breakfast for the wife and I. Home fries, eggs, toast, bacon, etc. My whole apartment smelled like bacon for the rest of the day, and now I'm at work and just noticed that my jacket smells like bacon. Fucking A. Today is a good day.

Roy Orbison is pretty badass.

Check out that fucking jacket.




Oh, and for that concert he has Elvis Costello, Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Waits in his band. Springsteen looks like a little kid who got a hoverboard for Christmas throughout the whole thing. I've been singing this song in my head for the past mouth. Enjoy.

The joys of parenthood.

So yesterday I decided when I got home from work that I was going to pack up Rosalie and head down to city hall to register to vote. I got her in her stroller and headed to the train. Everything's fine. She was staring at everything she could focus on in the train. We got off at Quincy Center and I register. Everything's still fine. We head over to New England Comics, because I've been behind in the adventures of Thor and wanted to know what the Thunder God has been up to. (side note, you get a lot of weird looks pushing a baby around in a comic store.) Everything's still fine. I decided to head over to T.J. Maxx to get her some P.J.s because she's grown out of a couple pairs, when she starts fussing. I figure she needs a new diaper. When go into Burger King so I can change her. They don't have one of those changing table dealies, so I have to change her in her car seat. This is when she decides to flip the fuck out like I've never seen. As soon as I get the diaper off, she starts screaming so bad that she's choking. Her face was bright red and her whole body was shaking. Then as I go to put the new diaper on her, she starts pissing everywhere. I tried to catch as much as I could with a new diaper, but she still managed to get it all over the bottom of her onesie and the car seat. I've never seen a girl pee before, and frankly, it's an image I could've done without. As soon as I got her outside, she quited down and fell asleep as if nothing had happened. She hates when she stops moving in the stroller, and I didn't want to stop moving her again, so I walked her back home from there. On the plus side, I saw Quiton on my way home.

So, in the end, my daughter is a fucking psycho. I think she gets it from Tina. There's no way she gets that from my genes.

Pepsi playlist update

The awesome has been upped by four.

Shoop - Salt n' Pepa
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship
Can't Forgive - Rancid
Rock Steady - The Whispers
Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul
Straight Up -Paula Abdul
Corvex Corvidae - The Sword
Let's Hear It For The Boy - Deniece Williams
Goonies 'R Good Enough - Cyndi Lauper
One Jump Ahead - Brad Kane
What a Dog/He's A Tramp - Peggy Lee
Army of Me - Bjork
Oven - Pig Destroyer
Surrender - Cheap Trick
How Will I Know - Whitney Houston
Rosalie/Cowgirl's Song - Thin Lizzy
Feelin' Satisfied - Boston
Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe - Whale
Part of Your World - Jodi Benson
Crying - Roy Orbison
Mable - Glodfinger
I Wish - Skee-Lo
Y'Know - 6L6
More - Madonna
*Mud & Guts - Scissorfight*
*Sha La La(Make Me Happy) - Al Green*
*If You Were Here - Thompson Twins*
*Addams Groove - Hammer*

If you think of anything ballsy let me know.

Tina's reveiw of the N.K.O.T.B. concert last night.

"So many broads."

Score

I was walking home from North Quincy T the other day when I spotted at milk crate full full records, and what happens to be staring right at me?



Yoink.

Jim - 1
Society - 0

Pepsi playlist

For the past few months, Pepsi has had a thing where if you collect codes from bottle caps you can download songs from Amazon. Seeing as I drink a lot of Pepsi and like free shit, I've been doing this. Usually I get a random song stuck in my head, or remember a song from back in the day and I don't feel like paying for it, so I get it from there. Here's what I got so far:

Shoop - Salt n' Pepa
Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now - Starship
Can't Forgive - Rancid
Rock Steady - The Whispers
Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul
Straight Up -Paula Abdul
Corvex Corvidae - The Sword
Let's Hear It For The Boy - Deniece Williams
Goonies 'R Good Enough - Cyndi Lauper
One Jump Ahead - Brad Kane
What a Dog/He's A Tramp - Peggy Lee
Army of Me - Bjork
Oven - Pig Destroyer
Surrender - Cheap Trick
How Will I Know - Whitney Houston
Rosalie/Cowgirl's Song - Thin Lizzy
Feelin' Satisfied - Boston
Hobo Humpin' Slobo Babe - Whale
Part of Your World - Jodi Benson
Crying - Roy Orbison
Mable - Glodfinger
I Wish - Skee-Lo
Y'Know - 6L6
More - Madonna

It's a pretty sweet list. I have enough points for a new song, but I can't think of shit. Any suggestions?

Working on a Saturday.

Bored as shit with my iPod for company.

RULES​:​​
1.

Put Your iTune​s,​​ Windo​ws media​ playe​r,​​ Winam​p,​​ etc on Shuff​le
2. For each quest​ion,​​ press​ the next butto​n to get your answe​r.

​​
3. Write​ the song title​ as the answe​r.​​.​​.

​​don'​​t lie!

1)If someo​ne says " I hate you"​​,​​ you say?
If You Fear Dying - One Day as a Lion

2)​​How would​ you descr​ibe yours​elf?​​
I've Been Everywhere - Johnny Cash

2)​​What do you like in a guy/​​girl?​​
Do Whay Ya Feel - Redman

3)​​How do you feel today​?​​
Get Out of My Face - The Scars

4)​​What is​ the first​ thing​ you see in a guy/​​girl ?
Punishment - Biohazard

5)​​What is your life'​​s purpo​se?​​
Chains - R.A. the Ruggedman

6)​​What is your motto​?​​
Planets Collide - Crowbar

7)​​What do your frien​ds think​ of you?
Riot in Cell Block #9 - Blues Brothers

8)​​What do you think​ of your paren​ts?​​
Bury Me in Smoke - Down

9)​​Whats​ the first​ thing​ you notic​e in a perso​n?​​
Deathtripper - Pig Destroyer

10)​​What do you think​ about​ very often​?​​
Midtown - Tom Waits

11)​​What song do you sing while​ showe​ring?​​
Barrel of Fun - Dana & The Teen Sensations

12)​​What do you think​ of your pet?
Cat Scratch Fever - Pantera

13)​​What do you think​ of the perso​n you like?​​
I'm Gonna Love You Too - Buddy Holly

14)​​What is your life story​?​​
Tear it Off - Method Man & Redman

15)​​What do you want to be when you grow up?
The White Stuff - Weird Al

16)​​What do you think​ of when you see the perso​n you like?​​
Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer - Fantomas

17)​​What will you dance​ to at your weddi​ng?​​
Up Around the Bend - CCR

18)​​What will they play at your funer​al?​​
Tie Your Mother Down - Lemmy Kilmister

19)​​What is your hobby​/​​inter​est?​​
Whatever - Jeru the Damaja

20)​​If you were a phras​e what would​ it be?
Woo Hoo - The 5,6,7,8's

21)​​What is your bigge​st fear?​​
Does This Bus Stop at 82nd Street? - Bruce Springsteen

22)​​When you find out you have 6 month​s to live what do you say?
Nude Love - Master Shake

23)​​What is your bigge​st secre​t?​​
The Horded Goddess - The Sword

24)​​What do you think​ of your ex?
Reminds Me of a Way - Antler

25)​​What would​ peopl​e descr​ibe you as?
Take No Prisoners - Megadeth

26)​​What do you do on your spare​ time?​​
In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel


27)​​What do you sing while​ walki​ng down the stree​t?​​
A Kind of Magic - Queen

28)​​What is the worst​ thing​ ever?​​
Tired of Being Alone - Al Green

29)​​If you could​ take back anyth​ing what would​ it be ?
The Apes of Wrath - Gwar

30)​​If you could​ say somet​hing to your ex, right​ now what would​ it be ?
Juke Joint Jezebel - K.M.F.D.M.

31)​​What will you post this as?
Five O'Clock World - The Vouges

Motherfuck today.

So far today:

-I had to wait 20 minutes to get let into my building.

-My milk delivery that was sitting outside had the wrong items.

-I got dirt all over my pants bringing said delivery inside.

-I'm wearing khakis, and now look like a slob.

-My food delivery was missing items.

-I had a case of soup cups delivered by UPS, for a extra charge, because I was out of them.

-They delivered lids instead of cups.

-It's suppose to rain today and I forgot my umbrella.

-I've been chewing gum lately to keep me from smoking, and I'm all out of gum.

-I want a butt real bad.

+Murf left a bunch of beer at my house the other day.

+The girl in the moon is going to be my best friend when I get home.

+Thanks Murf.

-p.s. I feel like a real pussy for bitching about dirty khakis.

Fact.

Jimmy like freeze pop.

monkey portraits

Pretty much the best book ever. My dad got it for me yesterday, and
I've already gone through it about 12 times. Here's some samples:







I highly recommend it.

Conjunctivitis

Rosalie has it. Here's a fun fact for you: Babies hate when you try to put shit in their eyes. Who knew? It should hopefully be gone by tomorrow. I took a picture of her goopy eyes. If I have time later I'll put it up here. It's pretty gross. On the plus side, she got her first prescription bottle yesterday. I thought it was awesome seeing her name on it. It's like she's a real person and stuff.


Here it is:


She's better now.

Sometimes the T is grosser than normal.

Yesterday on my train ride home I witnessed two gross things. First, there was a guy sitting across from me sleeping with his mouth open. He was sitting next to the door with his arms on the rail, and his head kept slowly drifting down. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. Every couple seconds his mouth would get closer and closer to the bar, the the train stopped short and he wrapped his lips around it. Nasty. Then, as I was riding the escalator up at North Quincy, there was a dead mouse at the top, spinning around like a toquito at 7-11. I would never eat one of those things anyway, but that sight sealed it. I only wish I had my camera to take a video of it set to "Little Spanish Flea". That would've been great.

Tub Time

There she is. 10lbs. 4oz. of fist shaking awesome.

4 days and still no baby

Waiting sucks, so watch this:

Due date.

So, my daughter is suppose to be born today. It looks like she just loves that uterus so much she's gonna hang out in there for a while longer. We went to the doctor's yesterday, and she was saying that if Rosalie isn't born by August 4th, they're going to induce Tina. I hope for Tina's sake that she comes out before then. Poor girl is so done being pregnant. I feel bad for her having to deal with the heat and there's nothing I can do for her. Damn kid needs to stop screwing around. I'm gonna ground her as soon as she comes out. That'll learn her.

Baby names.

I know a bunch of people having babies this year. I know the naming process can be a hard one, but seriously, give it some thought. I've figured out that there are a lot of names that I just can't stand. For some reason I know more than one person who named their new baby boy Aiden. For some reason, this name drives me up the wall. It sucks. Shitty name. Another one is Tristan. Tristan? Seriously? That's even worse than Aiden. And if your name is Todd I probably hate you, no matter your age. I'm gonna have a rough time keeping my mouth shut when I have to go to Rosalie's school things if these are the names I have to deal with. I'm not above making fun of children. A lot of parents are gonna hate me because they gave their kids dipshit names. It's not my fault that you obviously want your kids to get made fun of.

And how do you nicely tell someone that their pride and joy's name is horrible? "Cute kid. Bummer about his name, though." They'll probably still get bent out of shape. People are so damn protective of their offspring.

I'm gonna go listen to The Sword and try to calm down.

I like when Tina pays attention to my geekery.

Last night we were coming up with ridiculos names if we ever had a baby boy. Die Hard Neal, Tango Cash Neal, etc., when I said Galactus Thanos Neal. To which Tina replied, "Thanos? I'm not getting murdered.". You see, Thanos kills his mother when he was a boy. I like comic books.

Parenthood.

Tina's due date is one week from today. That means any day now I'll be a dad and responsible for a human being. Pretty damn scary.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

My niece is very cute.

Why?

Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea?

Rosalie

Here's a couple ultrasound pics we got of my little girl yesterday.

This is her profile:


















This is her little face all smushed up:














The doctor wanted to get one of her giving me a kiss because I couldn't be there. It's kinda creepy, but a whole lotta awesome. I can't wait until she's here.

I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue.

Today blows. First, the red line car I was on this morning didn't have any AC. Then I get to work and the front floor of the place is covered in water, because the night supervisor didn't put the drip pan under the deli line. Then the girl who opens up called in late, so I had to set up everything by myself. Then I relized that I forgot a hat to wear home when I change (I really hate walking around without a hat). And now Tina just calls me from the doctor's office and they can't figure out what position the baby is in so they're giving her an ultrasound, and there's no way I can make it there in time. I can't wait to get home and shotgun some 'Gansetts. On the bright side, I get to see a new picture of Rosalie when I get home.

Shoot 'em Up

Pretty much the greatest movie ever made. I can't think of one bad thing to say about it. It has everything I could ever want in a movie. Badass hero, check. Hooker with a heart of gold, check. Wise cracking villian, check. Nudity, check. Cheesey one liners, check. Kickass soundtrack (Motörhead, AC/DC, Nirvana), check. Ridiculous gun fights (while skydiving, having sex, delivering a fucking baby, etc.), check. Go rent or just out right buy this thing right now. You will not be disappointed. If you are, I probably hate you.

The best analogy I've ever read about being a Boston sports fan.

From Barstool Sports:

"After all those decades of being Danny Noonan, kowtowing the millionaires and worrying about our future in the lumberyard, we get to be the Spaulding, hanging out at the Yacht Club smoking the really good reefer we bought from a Negro and picking our nose whenever we damned well please."


I'm so watching Caddyshack when I get home.

Doctor's today

Today starts Tina going to the doctor's office every week. The baby's due date is July 24th, I think it'll be sooner. But, that pretty much means she can pop anytime in the next month. They might give her an ultrasound today, because they couldn't figure out what position the baby was in last week. I hope they do. I just want to see her so damn bad that I'll take what I can until she's ready to come out. I guess the good thing about the doc not knowing how she's in there means that she didn't get daddy's huge head, which is great for Tina and her lady parts. She wasn't really looking forward to pushing a fat Irish head outta there anyway, and who could blame her?

If we get a new pic of Rosalie I'll throw it up here for Blarry to see, 'cause I pretty sure she's the only person reading this thing. Hi Blarry!

A story from my sister Suzanne.

My sister Suzie is going to be 16 on Wednesday, and she's kind of a spaz. Here's her most recent gem:

"I was at IHOP yesterday and I couldn't finish my bacon, 'cause my pancakes filled me up, so I put the rest in my purse. I didn't wrap it up or anything, so my whole bag smelled like bacon. Then my friend Brittany wanted a hair elastic, so I gave her one. It smelled like bacon, which made her hair smell like bacon. I laughed at her 'cause she smelled like bacon, and she's kinda fat. I ate the rest of the bacon when I got home."

She's gonna make some guy real lucky in the future.

Maiden is playing tonight...

...and I'm not going. Tina roped me into going to my youngest sister's dance recital. I'm a shitty metalhead, but a wonderful brother. I plan on letting my sister know this throughout the night. Maybe I should make a sign and hold it up everytime a kid fucks up. "I'm missing Iron Fucking Maiden for this?!?!" I'm sure my mom will think it's hilarious.

You ever get a song in your head that you haven't heard in 10 years?

Welcome to my nightmare.